Saturday, 31 December 2011

New Years Eve 2011

Soooo..... here it is, the eve of 2012 and I find myself on my Blog.
Hoping that writing a few words here will help me release things I don't want in my head any more and give space to the new thoughts and ideas that will help me move on.

As always I am thinking new year, new start but I wonder how long it will last this year.

I do seem extremely positive, I have loads of new things I want to try and a great positivity to succeed this year. Which is pretty amazing seeing the year I've had.

I have given up my business, which led to (eventually being able to admit) a mini break down. It has taken me 10 Months to see light at the end of my very dark tunnel. I know there is still a long way to go but just this feeling I have is now enough to help me through to the end.

On the plus side. I am still only 38 which I feel gives me 1 Year and 5 Months to grow up lol I feel 40 is the time for me to be settled and happy with whatever I choose.

I finally can see that there is room (if I can find a decent one) for a Man in my life. This feels so strange typing as I have never needed or yearned for one, (Being strong and independent like) but I can see, someone to have your back in hard times could be nice, Someone to discuss your day with and share each others feelings could actually be a good thing but not essential, If one comes around I may not hold up the barriers so high :-)

I have goals for my business, A structure that if the first plan doesn't work there are plenty of others to try before I get to melt down. This I have learnt is much needed!!

I have given up smoking, Think I am on day 12 but feeling very positive about this,

I have learnt to trust no one but myself .... although having people around you is good, Just don't get pulled in too far with the need to have them in your life. I understand now that I am a very needy person, I never would have thought this but I do crave peoples time and company, What I have learnt is that people don't crave my time or company as much and I am left lonely with the need to be in company and they have just got on with their life with no thought for me. I am a dreamer and a thinker and this goes way beyond meeting someone having a day out then saying goodbye and on with your life, I continue to live in the time spent together missing and craving what we had whilst others just move on. This can be applied to simple meet ups for drinks, trips to the cafe or meaningful moments. I always need more and then punish myself with the what iffs. This is something I have just realised and needs to be worked on.

By far the best and absolutely strangest feeling of all is my daughter, (My one thing that I feel I have succeeded in doing very well with) is having a Baby and this will make me a Nanna.... of which I am extremely overwhelmed. This has to be possibly the greatest thing to happen to me and also the one thing I have never considered could happen which in itself is strange to understand. I do know though when the Baby is here it will feel like the most normal thing to happen and I will fit the role of Nanna well.

So there we have it my life in a few paragraphs ... haha. Hoping my writing will help with my positivity in the new year, I bare all and hope 2012 brings me what I need.

Happy new year to anyone who reads this .... Look out for me as I am around this year with Mr Positive by my side and I hope to succeed :-)